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Thursday, March 11th, 2004

Subject:there is no doubt that dylan, with all his faults, is incredibly hot. i must post a pic.
Time:9:14 am.
its the greatest new art supply ever, kids! pot ash charcoal. you can make it yourself or dylan and renee will supply you with some.
needless to say, i missed chris a lot the past 3 days. unfortunately, he did not express or even hint at having the same sentiments. this led to renee no longer being really excited to see him and instead, sinking to his crap mood. she left at 10:00 pm, the exact time he said she should leave (not should so much as in she asked "what time would you like me to leave?" and he said "10:00"). instead of going home, renee went to the art room to "get her cd case" knowing damn well dylan would be there. we talked. a lot. 4 hours worth of talking [about everything! it was lovely and craaazy (we were stoned) and even included relationships (his and mine) which came to an interesting point when christine showed up so dylan could tell her they were just friends and this was all a "big misunderstanding" which is the phrase i dolled out to him] and a little broomstick fighting which came from a fantastic conversation on strength and violence and skill. he is down with partying it up this weekend at my aunts. what!? renee isn't going to the twin cities with grover to see m.a. and her boy?! huh?
that may not be the case, but friday night i have to be here so i can work saturday morning, so it only makes sense to be a rockstar on friday night. hopefully, renee and boy will have this cleared up and still be able to enjoy some good times with 2 perfect strangers.

*a note on the subject and this entry: good times can be had with aaron and dylan and the like. i can say dylan is hot (because he is) and yet, still remain completely gooey over chris because he is my friend, i know him really well, we know each other, and we have a lot more in common than dylan and i, even though dylan and i are the same age and don't take 3 days to recover from a hangover.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, July 26th, 2003

Subject:don't call me sir, i work for a living
Time:11:12 pm.
Mood: dirty.

yes ladies and gentleman, it is coming. go forth and consume because THAT is your job. to consume. keep the economy going. keep good music alive. do your part.

i was 10 minutes late to work today because at 4:25 i decided it was absolutely necessary and vital to my well being to eat half a loaf of bread/toast. peanut butter, jelly, romano cheese, margarine, sugar, and cinnamon. then i took a shower and headed off. mad cash = $71, 11 of which went to bussers and useless bartenders.

tony...23 years old. yes, i could, but i don't want to. i like my muscles by default, punk-ish brainiacs. so i didn't.

i've taken on my aunt's basement. i need to go to saint vinnies and pick up a few mirrors, plastic storage bins, and possibly, another green chair to add to my marvelous collection. this woman...
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Tuesday, January 21st, 2003

Time:9:29 am.
Mood: blank.
i came across this forward of sorts and i liked. i hate forwards. i normally won't even read them, but by jove, this one actually perked up my day. nice job, khromy

They call it the Quarter-life CrisisCollapse )
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Thursday, September 5th, 2002

Time:11:44 pm.
i'm happy, your happy, she's happy, he's happy.
Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, September 1st, 2002

Subject:did we just move into an alternate universe (skip, skip, skip)
Time:7:14 pm.
Mood: cranky.
friday: i signed up for 4 clubs.
t.r.e.e.c. (an extreme outdoor club)
environmental club (involves volunteer work)
wild things (extreme outdoor club)
women's ultimate frisbee

from here on out, the majority of my journal will be friends only.

no matter what you think or how you feel, your opinions can change, little by little, if you are surrounded by people who think otherwise.

unless you are on my friends list or i know you terribly well in person, i won't say anything to you about corey. i expect most people will be relieved. if you're dissapointed, you could start watching soaps instead.

school starts tuesday. =)
Comments: Read 6 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, August 29th, 2002

Time:12:17 pm.
Mood: rejuvenated.
<td bgcolor="orange">
You Are
Fool In The Rain

You are a very bizarre person, to say the least. You don't think the way most other people do. And you probably don't really care.

You defy convention, and probably really like burritos. And you're very content with your life. You're a ray of sunshine. Piercing, bizarre end-of-the-world sunshine, but sunshine nonetheless. While most people are going to college to be lawyers or accountants or something, you'd be just as happy working at Tippy's Taco Stand in San Dimas, CA.

You probably have a really interesting car. You definitely do not drive a Honda Civic. There's a good chance that you smoke weed. There's a good chance you sell it.

Everybody worth anything likes you a lot.

Take the Which Led Zeppelin Song Are You? Quiz

suddenly, everything is artsy and wonderful and i didn't party last night, but listened to the really good music from next door and read hitch hikers and thought wonderful thoughts involving 3 weeks and the cities and a trip. i read and drink frappachino and lots of water. i need to start with the creatine again because my legs keep threatening to fail me as i walk to the third floor. i blade a lot.

i am not high now, but it feels like i am, but not on pot, on something wonderful that makes everything clear. maybe it is because i slept until 9 today and had a super morning and i like the smell of my shampoo. i would like to hang laminated articles in the showers about water use. i am a tree hugging hippie dork. so is robyn. she even has the tree hugger pin. i want the tree hugger pin.

i am in the library now. i should really go home and do my laundry and such, but i have a meeting at one and it is just too late now.
NEW RESOLUTION: to stop saying obvious things. i can write them all i want because it is my journal, damnit. however i will no longer say things like "it is hot outside", "you have a mullet", or "your cat is on fire". these are all very obvious and everyone knows them. from now on, i will be mute until i begin to spout brilliant things.

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Wednesday, August 28th, 2002

Subject:so long and thanks for all the fish.
Time:10:54 am.
Mood: crazy.
today tuesday, i went hiking with pat and found an awesome place to chill. pat and i...we are dorks, but we love college. i'm glad he is here. one can only party so much. when you are in a setting like this, you have to go outside and blade and hike and enjoy it. it was all very good. i played frisbee with a couple of chicks and ian asked me to play later.
i called corey after much ado. we frustrate each other and making matters worse...my phone is super queit. emily and i don't know why. we are getting along ok-ish. corey, well, we both screwed the other person over at some point and we both have very good memories when it comes to each other. really. i can remember just about any good conversation. i talked to him for quite a while in the lounge. very nice.

"What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying, is the one who made you cry?"

also, "is the dancer mad if you can't hear the music?" jeffy
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Tuesday, August 27th, 2002

Time:4:22 pm.
seconds ago, this asian fellow came up to me, starting talking to me, asking me what i was working on, what my major was, told me they check up on users to see if they are looking at porn, and touched my shoulder twice. strange. very strange indeed. i wouldn't say it was bad or good, because it was neither, but it was strange. very strange.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:4:06 pm.
i like college. i am super busy and i left my black book at the dorm (which i referred to as "home" while talking to corey). it has been fun, except i am pretty sure i am making myself psychosomatically sick. i threw up twice already today. i haven't eaten anything wierd. i ate an apple so i wouldn't be so tired (i rollerbladed ALL OVER twice). the goodbye went well, the roommie isn't bad but she is typical highschooler. we put together a lamp yesterday. the room is very spiffy, but the internet isn't working yet. i am in the commons working on this now and talking to corey. i haven't talked to him since sunday (gasp) and i miss him.
i no longer feel overwhelmed, but i like having him around to talk to. i realize that if i went to madison, i would have gone to a safety school because he would be there and i wouldn't need to meet new people. i am meeting new people and i think i have found a few good ones. one is a bio student and the other 3 are all physical therapy. roommie by the way, is nursing. winona is the number two ranked party school in minnesota after st cloud. i have no ambition to party. i want to blade, be childish with pat, hike, do good at school. i'm really glad i have it out of my system. unpacking with the parents made me crave a hit, but i was good. go me.
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Sunday, August 25th, 2002

Time:9:24 pm.
Mood: blank.
today i got everything packed, talked to the rhondas and.....one of them got a different room by herself! i only have one roommate! i'm so excited! amanda moved, so it is me and emily (katie drury). i'm super excited. tim called, i called corey twice and talked for roughly a minute each time. once about the roommies and once about how many pants to bring. then tim called about soccer. he said i was obsessed. i am beginning to question that myself. EVERYONE i know thinks the current corey situation is bad. what if they have a point?
i went out to dinner with my parents and stephy which was fun and we rented JOHN Q which is awful for a lot of reasons. some are as follows: over acted, depressing green and gray lighting, predictable, repetitive dialogue, stereotypical. it is much like my journal, except for the lighting.
i remember walking around with jenna and molly in target and laughing about what we wore as children. i'm convinced i had one dress for church and was otherwise naked, except for a pair of shoes.

i was so excited and not mopey and even emily was mopey, but not me and now this! (names have been changed)

coreykid: off topic, but still something:
coreykid: if you're curious, i miss you
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Saturday, August 24th, 2002

Subject:my stomach is waging a revolt against my mind on behalf of my heart.
Time:7:50 pm.
i said goodbye to nessa, sara, brent, jenna, grant, corey, cullen, the boys, shanna, tony, molly, the pool people (sorta). i haven't really said goodbye to karen, tim, jeff, or stephy. of all these wonderful people, i miss corey. he just IM'ed me. i'm not crying or anything, i just feel sick. like something is terribly wrong. i'm quite sure i am going to throw up. i love everyone and i am sorry if i seem sad sometimes. i want to go to college so bad and i want to go to winona, i just wish i was closer to him. i have never been like this before. my stomach is waging a revolt against my mind on behalf of my heart.
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Wednesday, August 21st, 2002

Time:9:08 pm.
Mood: busy.

What kind of Drug Addict are you?

sunday; shopping, brent, corey and jenson
on monday pat and i went to the candlenight walk, lost my cell phone. pat and shananannanananana hit it off well. weee!
tuesday:i hung out with corey and further realized how much i adore him. i really, really like him. he won't give me his picture, but i love him anyway.
wednesday: i went to work and now i'm online, soon to go to corey's and see him one last time.
little kids cry waaaay too much.
off i go again.
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Monday, August 19th, 2002

Subject:douglas adams, god, and a puff of logic
Time:1:23 pm.
Mood: bouncy.
holy man, it's been a looooong time. i don't remember thursday. i was probably out (as i am every night). i worked with adam! i remember! i worked with adam and then i went to corey's (i think). i remember asking adam what i should wear. i had a decent time at work. it is possible corey game over here and we watched rainman and i got really bored and started to build a fort of out couch cushions. i think that was on thursday.

friday: i hung out with cullen and we:
  • went down franklin hill in neutral from a dead stop and made it to 50 in the 25 before i braked.
  • stole 5 tennis balls
  • climbed aweseome trees at oak island (i am now a climbing APOSTLE!)
  • found a hubcap for a ford (took it)
  • found a deli in wasuau called "prima deli" which led us on a search for a bottle opener so we could drink "sparkling orange beverage" from italy, which tasted like weak orange soda. after asking a few people, we went to ben's house. he helped me out. yay ben!
  • decided winona only has 3 teachers, one building, and only offers 3 majors to its 10 students (te he he)

  • after that, sara and i went to the Project Underground concert. i like their music. i like the people. i don't like it when people come there and stand around like dipshits. worse than that is the people who diss the band because it is local. you have no point.

    from concert to truck stop, where matt and rachel were. we had a good time with them. also, i found nicole who called to see if i wanted to go bungee jumping. too bad she didn't get my message. i wanted to go. we drove around a bit and talked. she will be fine.

    saturday! i worked for 8 hours straight, if working means occasionally getting up from the movie to guard for an hour or two. savanah and i got draganfly which wasn't bad. after that, i got home, talked to jeff g. bought dr. pepper and went to gleason for tim's grad party. "congratulations tim from the (interchangeable) sisters" it was a pretty good time except for corey not talking to me. nathan's ear is pierced in an odd way which looks cool. jeff's two little sisters were never more than 3 feet from me. really. i invited tim, jason, corey, and nathan back to my house to watch resident evil. corey ignored me. i went to the buffolo and talked to lucas for a while and then went home. watched the end of chocolate and then the guys came over, including corey. the movie wasn't too good. after word everyone left in a rather uneventful fashion.

    sunday: shopping with molly and jenna at 9 in the morning was a blast. we had an awesome time. we didn't buy much, but had great conversation. hollister is the west coast version of AF and weathervane is a knock of aeropostle. i wouldn't wear any of them anyway, but i thought you would want to know. we questioned sales associates for these hard hitting answers. also, jenna and i think any guy who can wear leather flip flop (thong) sandals, jeans, and a button down has excellent taste, provided they are clean and well fitting. trust us on this. jeans with leather flip flops = hot damn. the drive home was a riot. i drove the jeep which doesn't have power steering. power assist and big tires. wooo! i bought flip flops and this awesome paul frank sweatshirt.
    paul frank read-a-thon
    if you are illiterate, you can't read this.
    i got home, went to brent's, said goodbye. bleah. i will get $30 for my shit and piece, so i'm happy. if anyone else wants to make a bid for more, go ahead. i went to corey's, talked to jenson, margie, and rick. played frisbee in the dark with jenson and corey. much fun. i can't jump, the car is safety, jenson and i are secretly eating all of the vegeatbles, jenson taught me to throw a diff way. around 10 ( i had to leave by 10:30), jenson said he was leaving. i had wanted to hang out with corey, but he said goodbye to me, too. so i left. this seems to happen a lot. i am one of the guys to the guys, but less than that to corey. he says i am more, but acts like i'm not there. what scares me is i can't just say "fuck it" and walk out. we talked online a little when i got home and he said he didn't actually want me to leave, but there is no way i would have known that because he walked in, turned off all the downstairs lights and was gone. had he chilled in the kitchen, maybe i could have gotten that. whatever.

    email from pat says " I am interested to see how the Corey thing turns once you are in College. I hope you turn out happy whatever happens. By the way Tony {mcconnel} said again that the Corey thing is really bad for you cuz he is a jerk and you should leave. Leave him for WHOOOOO? you can guess:)" tony mcconnel has a wee crush on me. jenna says "you should go for tony kouba because you and he have such a good time together and you will live an hour apart and..." the list goes on.

    random things:
    jeffy says "in that giddy frederick way" i will miss stephy. today i went to debate and talked to mehlos. he has me excited for debating in college. he is funny because he takes it so seriously. douglas adams rawks! how do you know when you're dreaming?
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    Wednesday, August 14th, 2002

    Subject:i tried to ignore the pudding, but ended up dipping pretzels in it
    Time:9:39 pm.
    Mood: infuriated.
    wow! i ended up turning adam down. stephy and i were laughing so hard today we almost drowned. we should have kept adam there so he could save us. the noodle through the suit was a riot. so were the summersults (why are they called summer? do people only do them when filled with joy from the summer?) stephy and jeff and i went to get change and then stephy and i spent half an hour in the movie store. she rocks. THEN i got home (i hate my mom) and jeff called ME. jeff didn't want a piece of ass, not that i was offering. in fact, i said no, do you still want to hang out with me and he said yes. i'm shocked. i wanna watch a movie with stephy and corey (they are both very fun), but stupid bitch mother...no one needs as much sleep as she thinks i need.

    ok, now corey can't come over and i want to see him. i'm never fucking come back here. fuck this. fuck these people. it is much worse when matt is home because he pretends he is an adult. fuck it. i'm taking a shower and going to see if corey wants to hang out in general or i will call jeff or i will sit outside in a park and play my harmonica. i am so excited. it was so much better before they cared about me. this is probably why i smoke on occasion. i still have 2 numbers left! neener neener! =) i don't like that they laud paying for things over me. i will probably take off my sophomore year, house sit for auntie barb and work. maybe work and do a part time student deal. i have so many certifications that have to do with swimming. i want my pool operator licsence or better, WSI instructor. well paid positions. i can always use my aerobics and wsi certs. i could work at a gym. i could be like sheila dickman.

    i don't like to take the lord's name in vain. i don't want to dissapoint stephy. she is taking a shower. i'm going to do the same and maybe she and i will just run away. in fact, she already has pretty well laid plans provided spanish + german = french.

    now i can't go out with jeff because apparently, jeff is like grant. i fucking hate her! she is a wench! jeff is nothing like grant. at the beginning of writing this, my mood was silly. rage.
    Comments: Add Your Own.

    Subject:sad as a tomato, teeth like stitches, we eat good foods every day
    Time:4:06 pm.
    stupid menopause. there is no way i am going home unles there is a really good reason. if someone wants to see me they will have to visit me or drive to auntie bardara's.
    yesterday at roughly 12:01-1:30 AM i was talking to corey on the phone. i realized i have a new voice that drips with hate. i don't hate him. quite the opposite, but he makes me so upset. i went to his house that afternoon, saw jenson and totally panicked, so i went to my car. corey followed me, but i was shaking and didn't want to go back inside. i went to grant's and dropped off his cd's with my picture and the hemp necklace he asked for. mensch! then i went to the library, read my mail from corey, borrowed money from leif to pay for the printed copy, left money on my car for him (leif is so cool) and worked. i like work.

    i called corey so i could hang out with him later. i did. he made me realize how frustrating i can be. wow. i really had no idea. anyway, i had a really good time. he will go to sara's wedding with me. we went to younker's and sat on the red couch until they asked us to leave (it was nine). the Navy shirt. i made it home by curfew super lame 11:30. bitch. the extra sleep threw me off for the entire day.

    adam and i are hanging out tonight. i don't have anything in common with adam. what the hell was i thinking? kudos is warranted because he used my ego against me. whales tales, the MAPS pool version, was shown today at the 8:30 and the 10:00. this afternoon's showing will be at 6:45. smirk. my not so secret plan of seeing corey as much as possible so i would be sick of him is not working. my plan of never seeing corey again and not talking to him obviously didn't work well. all natural rules no longer apply. i have yet to test gravity, but i'm quite sure the laws of physics will be broken.
    Comments: Add Your Own.

    Monday, August 12th, 2002

    Time:4:15 pm.
    Mood: lonely.
    i went out to lunch with jenna. stephy and i see each other everyday. i saw the pool people today. i hung out with grant. vanessa and i went swimming a week or so ago. sara and i drew chalk figures on the sidewalk almost a month ago.
    i am not worried about the people going to school. pat and corey and everyone else going to college will be fine, plus, i'll see pat. i have never liked merrill. i had a good time because i made it a good time. i don't want to see it again, because it will never be like this summer. i have about 13 days left. it is a lot like hearing your mom say "come in now, you can't play anymore". i want to go to college more than anything because i know i will make it fun and i will love every second of it. i just don't want to say goodbye to them. i don't want to be stuck in merrill. i have so much to do. i already miss them.
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    Friday, August 9th, 2002

    Subject:your stories would be much better if you lied
    Time:1:33 pm.
    thursday: went to wausau with shanna. while she was getting a makeover i went to the furniture department, picked a giant red chair and a half(no one around here has the balls to buy a red chair and a half) and wrote in my legal pad. i have 2 smashing pages. she called me 20 mins later on the cell wondering where i was. it was oddly funny giving her directions to younkers furniture dept. we went to county market before the movie and i realized my grasp on normal is not very tight. changing clothes in the middle of a parking lot...now it seems a little silly, but it made sense then. good food, good movie with only a few people. during the most suspensefull part the reel stopped. it went "blip, blip, blip" and then black screen. we threatened, quite vocally, to riot with the rest of the movie goers. it would have been really cool, but there wasn't much to throw and we weren't that organized. the movie was good, but what ever became of his son?
    we drove home and saw a group of people. late at night, i become really irrational. i sit upside and laugh or i convince myself of things i know are not true. it was a scary ride home.

    right now, i'm making a MUSH MIX cd (it is divine) and dancing around with stephy. the bathroom project is almost done and it looks good. the walls are no longer yellow and they don't look like mud. they look good. i like it. it has color. smashing. my parents are becoming the kind of awesome people who might just buy the red couch. tying everything together, stephy and i are putting everything back and dancing. the prison song by system of a down comes on and we both go crazy. she ran out of things to do in her craziness and started to do jumping jacks. next time any of you are jumping around to good music, do jumping jacks. it is hilarious. stephy quote of the day "my tongue is brown. this means i was eating either ice cream or shit."
    Comments: Add Your Own.

    Thursday, August 8th, 2002

    Subject:i've never seen raisin bran do that
    Time:4:37 pm.
    Mood: lonely.
    i played phone tag with grant for half an hour, then i gave up. if he calls, super, if not, i'll be bummed. i miss him. also, my bag smells funky. there is always tomorrow. shanna and i are leaving soon to play disc golf, shop, and see minority report. stephy and i made smashing beads today! my cell phone is a peice of garbage. i miss corey. i am rather bored and no one is around to play with. i really should get a job where i get some hours.

    i promised a while ago a rant about friends with bens...i was talking to corey a few days ago online after i talked to shanna. the question: could you enjoy yourself at a picnic with ________ (your significant other) and his/her girlfriend? as in, could i be at a picnic with corey if he had a girlfriend with him? in a few months and only if he was really happy with this girl. really happy. if he was truely better off with her, i could do it. it would kill me, but i could enjoy myself if he was happy. he says "nope" as in he wouldn't enjoy himself. there was a bit more talk, but he said this "there is no perfect girl"..."if she exists, she isn't for me. i don't want someone who is perfect for me. i don't want anyone, actually, and if i did i'd want you, or someone exactly like you". i don't know whether this is a postive thing or a negative one. it isn't that i need a new hobby, it is that i need to concentrate less on this one. i wish there were people around here right now who know how to play disc golf.
    Comments: Add Your Own.

    Wednesday, August 7th, 2002

    Subject:i took a bite of the retard's dreamcicle
    Time:11:32 pm.
    Mood: bouncy.
    my little siter is funny, but we are pretty sure the 4.0 child prodigy is now retarded. her unorganization is going to cause her to become homeless (maybe i too am retarded for making that connection). "i like blueberries. No, not yogurt. just blueberries. are you a toad?"nooo!! now she is attacking me!! lol! "gurgle" says the retard as she tries to bite me!

    enough of that. when i talked to pete yesterday he said something like "your major is all in your head". he explained what he meant by that and i remembered how much i liked him. today, i went rollerblading for 3 or 4 miles, called nicole, tony so we can party it up at CWES on friday with pat, and i called GRANT! (big goofy grin), finished a necklace for pat because the last one was on jute and broke, and watched shawshank redemtion. it was pretty good. i think it would be better with the choice of alternate endings. tomorrow, grant and i are hanging out in the afternoon (i asked myself all the necessary questions and have decided it is ok to enjoy instead of entertain) and then shanna and i are going to minority report.

    my mom just asked me if i remembered when i smeared a stick of butter all over the closet doors. i was 4 or 5, but i do remember. she wants to know if i came up with a reason i did that. i have not. i should really get one. she has been waiting a long time for that answer.

    i need to work on my run on sentences. the sentences start to lose their meaning. oh yeah, corey is gone until the 11 or 12. if i can make it this long without him, i shoudl be ok for college. if i become a sniveling mass of snot, i am in trouble. i should not listen to dashboard. also, this new song i am hooked on...i shouldn't listen to that either. or the other new song i like. "some people say they heard it all before, but i still can't believe that time you walked into my door" he couldn't believe i just showed up on my half day (a tuesday) to talk to him. i knocked on the door and opened it and he was so surprised. shit.
    Comments: Add Your Own.

    Tuesday, August 6th, 2002

    Time:8:40 pm.
    i can cross pete off my to call list! we talked (sorta) for about half an hour. i should not get my hopes up. i do not expect us to be friends again (i must repeat this to myself, otherwise optimism gets the best of me). weeee! i have to call nicole next. weeee!
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